Showing posts with label Bowen Theory. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bowen Theory. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

'Bootcamp' For Your Marriage (Or Not)

Has your marriage or love life ever reminded you of what its like trying to sync two radically different computer systems with a single operating system? Are you a Mac and your lover a PC? Or visa versa?

You may want to try to 'bootcamp' your relationship with the love of your life. This allows you to run Windows on your Mac. Imagine that. You can create a non-destructive repartition allowing both systems to coexist on the same platform.

We get to remain distinct yet deeply connected. This reminds me a bit of Murray Bowen and his idea of relational differentiation within emotional systems.

Actually, now that I have bootcamped my new Mac I am somewhat conflicted and find it annoying to always have to be shutting down one system to open the other. There is no neat button or toggle switch (at least to my knowledge) to move seamlessly back and forth.

So, I appear to be heading for a possible divorce by having both my PC laptop and Mac desktop running separately side by side when I'm at the office. I guess it was just too good to be true. Much like the relational life with our lover, it is very difficult for the two to become one. Generally one person will dominate the other or both will fuse and loose their unique selves.

I am satisfied and more content with both my PC and Mac when they are doing what they each do best - be themselves. Perhaps I can do a twitter search and find out where I can get a magic button that will allow me to bootcamp a more blissful honeymoon between my PC and Mac. At this point I am not holding my breathe.

In fact, I am happy that my wife Ann is more like a PC and I am more like a Mac. Or is it the other way around? It probably doesn't really matter as long as we stay side by side doing what we each do best - be our own true selves.

Cheers, and enjoy the challenge of being with the one you love.
O'





Monday, July 6, 2009

Differentiation and Bowen Theory

"Differentiation is a key concept in Bowen Theory which defines leadership as a matter of "Being" that informs and shapes a person's actions." Peter Steinke

Definition - differentiation is a process in which a person moves toward a more intentional and thoughtful way of life (and a less automatic - reactive way of functioning)....it is the relative ability of people to guide their own functioning by:
  • thinking clearly
  • acting on principle
  • defining self by taking a position
  • coming to know more about their own instinctive reactions to others
  • learning to regulate those reactions
  • staying in contact with others
  • choosing a responsible course of action
And as Peter Steinke reminds us in his book Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times - Being Calm and Courageous No Matter What - differentiation is a lifelong process that takes place in relationships......balancing two life forces for individuality and togetherness when interacting with others.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Emotional Process and Bowen Theory

"Emotions. The neuropeptides and receptors, the biochemicals of emotion, are, as I have said, the messengers carrying information to link the major systems of the body into one unit that we can call the bodymind. We can no longer think of the emotions as having less validity than physical, material substance, but instead must see them as cellular signals that are involved in the process of translating information into physical reality, literally transforming mind into matter. Emotions are at the nexus between matter and mind, going back and forth between the two and influencing both." Molecules of Emotion by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D.

Perhaps this biological understanding of bodymind, helps clarify an important foundation of Bowen theory. My understanding of his constructs about "universal emotional process" center around the notions that by "emotional" he meant = instinctual (not feelings), and by "universal" he meant = that which applies to all human beings, and "process" = is the 24/7 ongoing working out of those universal - instinctual behaviors; biologically inherited and hard-wired by evolution,
that motivate and influence (unconsciously or consciously) all human behavior.
O'

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Bodymind - The Psychosomatic Network

"We are all well aware of the bias built into the Western idea that the mind is totally in the head, a function of the brain. But your body is not there just to carry around your head."

MIND IN BODY

"The concept of a network, stressing the interconnectedness of all systems of the organism, has a variety of paradigm-breaking implications. In the popular lexicon, these kinds of connections between body and brain have long been referred to as "the power of the mind over the body." But in light of my research, that phrase does not describe accurately what is happening.

Mind doesn't dominate body, it becomes body - body and mind are one. I see the process of communication we have demonstrated, the flow of information throughout the whole organism, as evidence that the body is the actual outward manifestation, in physical space, of the mind. Bodymind, a term first proposed by Dianne Connelly, reflects the understanding, derived from Chinese medicine, that the body is inseparable from the mind. And when we explore the role that emotions play in the body, as expressed through the neuropeptide molecules, it will become clear how emotions can be seen as a key to understanding of disease.

We know that the immune system, like the central nervous system, has memory and the capacity to learn. Thus, it could be said that intelligence is located not only in the brain but in cells that are distributed throughout the body, and that the traditional separation of mental processes, including emotions, from the body is no longer valid.

If the mind is defined by brain-cell communication, as it has been in contemporary science, then this model of the mind can now be seen as extending naturally to the entire body. Since neuropeptides and their receptors are in the body as well, we may conclude that the mind is in the body, in the same sense that the mind is in the brain, with all that implies.

In summary, the point I am making is that your brain is extremely well integrated with the rest of our body at a molecular level, so much so that the term mobile brain is an apt description of the psychosomatic network through which intelligent information travels from one system to another. Everyone one of the zones, or systems, of the network - the neural, the hormonal, the gastrointestinal, and the immune - is set up to communicate with one another, via peptides and messenger-specific peptide receptors. Every second, a massive information exchange is occurring in your body. Imagine each of these messenger systems possessing a specific tone, humming a signature tune, rising and falling, waxing and waning, binding and unbinding, and if we could hear this body music with our ears, then the sum of these sounds would be the music that we call the emotions.

Emotions. The neuropeptides and receptors, the biochemicals of emotion, are, as I have said, the messengers carrying information to link the major systems of the body into one unit that we can call the body-mind. We can no longer think of emotions as having less validity than physical, material substance, but instead must see them as cellular signals that are involved in the process of translating information into physical reality, literally transforming mind into matter. Emotions are at the nexus between matter and mind, going back and forth between the two and influencing both."

Molecules of Emotion - The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine
by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D.

Staying Sane May be Easier Than You Think

Psychological woes are not your fault. But if there are ways you can keep your body from breaking down, then why not your mind?
by John Cloud TIME - Special Health Report June 22, 2009

"In the early 1970's before Dr. William McFarlane was one of the world's top authorities on preventing mental illness....back when he was a student at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York City, few psychiatrists talked about prevention.

A key break came in the late 1970s when a UCLA team began to publish the results of an influential long-term study called the UCLA Family Project. The study found that you could predict, with remarkable accuracy, which 16 year-olds would develop schizophrenia later in life based on only a few characteristics. The teenagers whom the Family Project tracked had already sought treatment for a psychological problem, although the study excluded actively psychotic teens, since it would not have been a surprise if they had developed schizophrenia.

Studying such kids for more than a decade, the researchers discovered that those who became schizophrenic were most often from families that, when first interviewed, displayed "communication deviance" (unclear, unintelligible or fragmented speech) and highly critical and intrusive parenting. There weren't merely families that argued with difficult sons and daughters; they were families that had lost all ability to cope.

McFarlane and others began working with some of the families to address their interactions and teach them how to communicate better - more slowly, with less anger and intrusion. Even after they are on medication, people with schizophrenia have a difficult time tracking rapid, highly emotional speech, yet that's the kind they often hear from family members. These patients would improve in hopsitals but relapse once they got home, even when they continued to take antipsychotics.

For several years McFarlane developed and tested the Multi-Family Group approach, which brought several families together at a time to learn from one another how they sounded to outsiders. In twice-monthly sessions, the families modeled greater clarity and compassion and troubleshot daily-living problems like kid's marijuana use or sexual activity. It was a simple intervention that, when combined with antipsychotic drugs, worked to reduce schizophrenic relapse rates significantly more than the drugs alone.

A Theory Goes Wide

Even as McFarlane was exploring his schizophrenia-prevention idea, other researchers were having similar what-if-moments with respect to other, more routine conditions. Suppose irritable infants who become fearful toddlers who become shy children could be stopped from becoming adults with anxiety disorders. Suppose men and women who go to war or become cops in inner cities could be helped before developing post traumatic stress disorder. Could you, similarly, identify the children of depressed parents early and give them skill to prevent their own first depressive episode?

In any given year, approximately 17% of American under 25 have a mental, emotional or behavioral disorder. (Over our lifetime, 46% of us will receive such a diagnosis.) If we reduce the proportion of young people who become mentally ill by even one-quarter, that would mean about 3.8 million saved each year from what can turn into a lifelong struggle.

But if most mental illnesses have a genetic origin, isn't even that modest 25% reduction goal unlikely? The science can get tricky here, but the simple answer is that genes aren't destiny. Your can't do anything to change your genome, but your environment and experiences have powerful effects on the way those genes are expressed. A susceptibility to cancer may remain just a susceptibility - until you start smoking and kick the disease process into motion. Similarly, change a child's emotional experiences for the worse and you can trigger mental illness; change them for the better and you may hush the problem genes. One concrete example of this: in 2003, a study in Science found that the larger the number of copies an individual carries of a serotonin-transporter gene called 5-HTTLPR the greater the risk of developing major depressive disorder and suicidality - but only if the individual suffers stressful early-life experiences like abuse.

How long is the window between first symptoms and actual diagnosis? The National Academies report says that across several mental illnesses - including obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and substance dependence - we have about two to three years to intervene and keep short-term symptoms from becoming long-term afflictions.

Depression offers particularly good evidence of this idea at work. Currently about 5% of adolescents experience an episode of clinical depression in any given year. Rates of depression are three to four times as high among the children of depressed parents as among those whose parents aren't depressed. Dr. William Beardslee of Children's Hospital Boston, one of the authors of the National Academies report, has spent more than 25 years studying how some kids of depressed parents avoid the illness, and he has found that resilience is key. The kids who don't develop depression are "activists and doers," Beardslee says. Even growing up in the darkness of a depressed home, they muster the capacity to engage deeply in relationships. They also are likelier than other kids to understand that they aren't to blame from their parent's disorder - and that they are free to chart their own course.

How do you foster resilience in order to prevent depression? Over the past 17 years, Beardslee's team has developed an early intervention that targets kids from families in which at least one parent is depressed. Like McFarlane, he uses a family-based approach because a bad home environment tends to be more predictive of adolescent mental illness than dysfunctional peer relationships are. Beardslee's Family Talk Intervention includes both separate meetings with parents and kids as well as family meetings with social workers or psychologists that focus in part on demystifying depression - explaining that it is a treatable illness, not a beast that will necessarily crush a family. In a randomized trial, Beardslee found that just seven sessions of this intervention decreased predepression symptoms among the kids and improved the parent's behavior and attitudes. All this makes kids more resilient."




Mental Health & Well Being

The Medical Model Orientation vs The Family Systems Model of Well Being
by O'Steven

The medical model is primarily a linear orientation that looks for an "identified patient", someone to label with "individual problems" that must be diagnosed by an expert and treated with powerful drugs and/or extensive remedies administered by professionals over long periods of time.

The currently practiced mental health medical model in the USA, with a focus on pathology, goes something like this:

1. a symptom emerges in a family member and it can be a combination of physical, mental, emotional dis-ease
2. an assumption is made that something must be wrong with the person exhibiting the symptom
3. a professional is consulted to confirm the symptom (the pathology) with a descriptive diagnoses and money changes hands
4. the symptom bearer is labeled with a pathology and more tests are ordered and more money changes hands
5. the symptom bearer needs a prescription (a treatment plan) for healing and more money changes hands
6. the prescription is spelled out and the "identified patient" is expected to swallow the diagnosis, med's, and treatment in order to get well and more money changes hands
7. the extended family (and surrounding social environment) is relieved of any responsibility in contributing to the symptom and the "identified patient" then passively waits for the cure to take place as they obediently take the treatment and more money changes hands
8. when the symptom are relieved the "identified patient" has been successfully treated and the profitable medical model is poised for the next symptoms should they arise...

The organic family systems model clearly rejects this simplistic, black and white, linear cause and effect, medical model. With a focus on strength the family systems orientation looks for:

1. systemic forces within the extended family that contribute to one of it's members becoming burdened with symptoms - and they can be physical, mental and emotional illnesses
2. complex family dynamics are explored in family therapy sessions and money changes hands
3. the therapist coaches the family members into taking personal responsibility, lowering anxiety, stimulating family resources / resiliency and blames the entire system when one member becomes symptomatic, and more more money changes hands
4. the least mature family members (sometimes a parent, a spouse, a child, a boss) blame others, sabotage the process and focus on "identifying" another who needs fixing, rather than accepting that the entire family needs to function at higher levels of maturity, and the family therapists is fired
5. the family lives with the "identified patient" until the problem becomes too unbearable and the medical model is approached because the family therapy was "going nowhere" and wasting everyone's time and money.

Healing Feeling - Molecules of Emotion

"As a researcher on the drug frontier for over twenty years, I have to depart from the opinion of most of my colleagues in the mainstream and say that less is best. The implications of my research are that all exogenous drugs are potentially harmful to the system, not only as disrupters of the natural balance of the feedback loops involving many systems and organs, but because of the changes that happen at the level of the receptor.

Each of us has his or her own natural pharmacopoeia - the very finest drugstore available at the cheapest cost - to produce all the drugs we ever need to run our bodymind in precisely the way it was designed to run over centuries of evolution.

...a frequent theme in my thoughts is the question of healing feeling, something so desperately needed in our society, as reflected by both the rising numbers of people on anti-depressant medications and the escalating use of illegal drugs. In my mind, both kinds of user- the one who gets the drugs from a doctor and the one who buys them from a dealer - are doing the same thing: altering their chemistry with an exogenous substance that has widespread effects, many of which are not fully understood, in order to change feelings they don't want to have.

My research has shown me that when emotions are expressed - which is to say that the biochemicals that are the substrate of emotion are flowing freely - all systems are united and made whole. When emotions are repressed, denied, not allowed to be whatever they may be, our network pathways get blocked, stopping the flow of the vital feel-good, unifying chemicals that run both our biology and our behavior. This, I believe, is the state of unhealed feelling we want so desperately to escape from. Drugs, legal and illegal, are further interrupting the many feedback loops that allow the psychosomatic network to function in a natural, balanced way and therefore setting up conditions for somatic as well as mental disorders.

But the idea of the network is still too new to have affected the way mainstream medicine and psychology deal with our health and our illnesses. Most psychologists treat the mind as disembodied, a phenomenon with little or no connection to the physical body. Conversely, physicians treat the body with no regard to the mind or the emotions. But the body and mind are not separate, and we cannot treat one without the other. My research has shown me that the body can and must be healed through the mind, and the mind can and must be healed through the body."

Molecules of Emotion - The Science Behind Mind-Body Medicine
by Candace B. Pert, Ph.D.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Helping a Troubled Family

For all of us in the Open Hand tribe and beyond that have participated in the ongoing home-based counseling work with families in crisis (referred to us by the Child Protective Services) here are encouraging words Rod first penned over a decade ago:

"Look for whomever is the most Self-Differentiated: this is not necessarily because they do "good" things. Who is able to express their own voice in the family apart from the togetherness pressures? This person is KEY to the system's health. They might be the person able to UNDERSTAND what you are all about even if they do not / cannot agree or cooperate.

Listen as much as you can but only focus on process. This means watch for the HOW and WAY (manner in which things occur) not the WHAT, the WHY and the WHO. Remembering that all behaviors have meaning but not all meaning is necessary for your understanding. In other words knowing that all behavior has meaning on your part is more important than uncovering the meaning behind a client's (family's) behavior. Remember that one person's behavior in a family is somehow everyone's behavior (to a lesser degree including yours!) I am thinking here along the lines of everyone is in a way implicated with all social problems.

It takes MONTHS to build a relationship even in the BEST of circumstances with WILLING participants. Your work is hard because you are going against every natural grain in the manner in which relationships work. F is supposed to avoid you, J is supposed to stand you up etc. Your arrival at the door is the most brazen act of relational suicide you could commit. It is a MIRACLE you get allowed in at all. The client's natural mechanism scream "Enemy" because of the role within which you function within the system. Once you overcome that you CAN do good work and be really in relationship but it is almost deemed not to LOOK like what the system is asking for. What the system (CPS) is asking for is the equivalent of wanting a square sphere or a round triangle. Somethings are just not possible but what is possible is BETTER by far! What is possible is ...... people begin to see they captain their own ships...and..

You are likely to do the best work when:

+ you yourself are differentiated (this is no light call. Please study this most misunderstood concept). It is not just BEING DIFFERENT,

+ when you take no sides (even against the system i.e. CPS, Jevenile Justice, Dad, Mom,)

+ when you are non-anxious about the anxious family and anxious system,

+ when you are playful without malice, sarcasm, or pretension,

+ when you track process and help the family or individual to track process,

+ when you nourish your own needs with loving care."

Rod E. Smith 11-03-99

Thanks for the encouraging words Rod. They still ring true today after a decade of helping hundreds of troubled families in Indianapolis.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

A Hidden Wholeness

Being Alone Together - A Community of Solitudes

The Journey Toward An Undivided Life

Welcoming the Soul and Weaving Community in a Wounded World
Parker Palmer

"Let the person who cannot be alone beware of community. Let the person who is not in community beware of being alone." Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Simultaneously - we need solitude and community to check and balance what we learn in the other and together they make us whole, like breathing in and breathing out....

Solitude = does not necessarily mean living apart from others, rather, never living apart from one's self. It isn't about the absence of other people - its about being fully present to ourselves, whether or not we are with others...

Community = does not necessarily mean living face-to-face with others, rather it means never losing awareness that we are connected to each other - not about the presence of other people, but about being fully open to the reality of relationship, whether or not we are alone...

Space = we can create a space between us that is hospitable to the soul, a community of solitudes where we can be alone together....spaces designed to welcome the soul and support the journey are rare

Community too often means in our culture a group of people who go crashing around the woods together scaring the soul away, from congregations to classrooms we preach and teach, assert and argue, claim and proclaim, admonish, and advise and generally behave in ways that drive everything original and wild into hiding....intellect, emotions, will, ego may emerge but not the soul.

Circle of trust = know how to sit quietly 'in the woods' with each other and wait for the soul to show up....we are not pushy but patient, not confrontational but compassionate, not filled with expectations and demands but with abiding faith in the reality of the inner teacher.

Unconditional love = people who help us grow toward true self neither judge us to be deficient nor try to force us to change, but accept us exactly as we are...it surrounds us with a charged force field that is safe enough to take the risks and endure the failures that growth requires - drawn forward by love into our own best possibilities....

Relationships = in a circle of trust combine unconditional love with hopeful expectancy, creating a space that both safeguards and encourages the inner journey....and we are freed to hear our own truth, touch what brings us joy, become self-critical about our faults, and take risky steps toward change - knowing that we will be accepted no matter what the outcome.....amen.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Containing Anxiety

Under threat we act automatically. Survival is everything. We slide toward the immature side of the continuum. We are impatient. We blame, relieving our own pain by focusing it on others. We use either / or thinking. Stuck in our anxiety, we err on the side of shortsightedness. How can we shift to the other side of the continuum?

1.) Have a plan. (refer back to your core goals, strategies and structures)
2.) Express problems in terms of relationships / triangles. (be aware of emotional processes)
3.) Know and recognize what triggers anxiety in yourself and in your organization.
4.) Deal with anxiety as it surfaces at a conscious, responsive level (rather than merely reactive and instinctual behavior)
5.) Be willing to invest in your core goals, strategy and structures.
6.) Always be on the lookout and mindful of identifying strengths and resources available to you.
7.) Create options and imagine what could be. (infinite range of possibilities between extremes)
8.) Remain on the side of challenge (with the ability to tolerate pain, threat, sabotage)
9.) Follow the plan. (see point one)
10.) Ask questions.

Notes from Peter Steinke