Friedman on Leadership

Notes from our Open Hand processes meeting 3-9-09

Agent of change = is our "Being" (Presence) rather than specific roles
1.) engage without being reactive
2.) teach a new way of thinking
3.) stimulate without rescuing
4.) observe without willing the other's head to change
5.) the nature of one's Being - becomes transitive

Coach
Coaching people to be more self-defined
Teaching people to be more objective about themselves (in their environment)
Tutoring people about principles of relationships (triangles)
Encouraging people to learn about their multi-generational emotional histories
Helping people go back and face issues they have fled
Networking family cutoffs
Teasing out and challenging or encouraging the emergence of self

Challenge - is the way to promote growth without increasing dependency and subjectivity

"Emotional process is what actually creates problems - not the actual content of the issues...and to the extent that a leader can contain their own reactiveness to the reactivity of the followers, principally by focusing on their own self-functioning, rather than by trying to change the functioning of others, intensity tends to wane, and polarization or a cutoff that, like a tango, always takes two, is less likely to result." Ed Friedman

Process of change = we don't promote catharsis, because it often times is merely manipulation, and takes away an important stimulus for change - PAIN, catharsis can be a very manipulative way of preserving the status guo....

Summary of differentiated leadership:
1.) fosters independence without encouraging polarization
2.) allows interdependence without promoting cults
3.) promotes togetherness but not at the cost of progress
4.) normalizes transitions, less susceptible to cutoffs.
5.) reverses the pull and drain of dependents who normally gain power from the expectation (indeed belief) that their demand to be included at their price and pace will always be satisfied
6.) focus is on the leaders own being - giving them more leverage
7.) reduces conflicts of will and triangles
8.) fosters less guilt among followers because it does not go in the direction of increasing dependency
9.) primarily focused on leaders own positions, it automatically answers questions about the distance a leader should try to maintain
10.) less load-bearing and more self-expressive, it minimizes the influence of the factors that contribute to burnout