Monday, July 13, 2009

Don't take it personally

Shitz.......when was the last time you ruined someone's life. How many times have you heard "If it wasn't for you I'd be......bla, bla, bla freakin happy!" Chances are that somebody has broadcast a similar accusation your way, and the older you get the more opportunities you have to step into that shocking projection of a friend, spouse, parent, sibling, associate or adult child (heck today we even hear it from ten year old kids yelling at their mom's.)

Don't take it personally. I'm always reminded of Rod's typically nonanxious statement to distraught "victims" of such an outburst: "Relax, you are just not that powerful." Apparently, unless you are a King or Queen (or pathologically abusive to children who can't yet stand on their own two feet) it is almost impossible to wreck another person's life.

Rabbi Freidman's constant encouragement that the maturity of our response to such common pathogens (reactive outbursts) is much more important than the actual accusation itself, is the key to personal growth and stewardship of self.

It seems that the majority of blame throwers are just reacting out of their own pent up fears and anxieties. Heck, reactive sabotage may even be a sign that you are actually on the right track. So don't take it personally. Remember his five keys to effective leadership of self and others:

1.) generate the capacity to separate yourself from the surrounding emotional processes
2.) increase your capacity to obtain clarity about your guiding principles and life goals/vision
3.) be willing to be exposed and to be vulnerable - be "fierce with reality"
4.) manifest persistence in the face of inertial resistance, from friends, associates and family
5.) focus on self-regulation (taking personal responsibility) in the face of reactive sabotage.


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