During a family crisis/drama there are two options or perhaps more. One is to get pulled into the emotional reactivity of the situation. This is usually the first response that feels natural and justified. There is another option, however, that is much harder to do. This entails thinking and processing for as long as it takes to calm the reactivity within you that naturally rears up. Usually I go through a myriad of reactions ranging from extreme hurt and anger to exclaiming that "I don't really care anyway" and "it's their loss".
When I am able to respond to the person or persons involved, after getting out all my reactivity that comes from my own internal struggles, I am growing. I am not always able to do this but when I am, an internal change takes place within me, and I know I am maturing. I choose to look at the situation as an opportunity for growth rather than pain that has been inflicted upon me. When I am able to do this, peace resides in my heart, and my anxiety greatly diminishes.
This is not to say that these situations do not hurt at a deep level. This is why I give myself time to acknowledge the hurt, express the feelings in my head or often to my husband (shame), and then try to understand the other person's point of view or limited point of view knowing that nobody is perfect, I choose to forgive and ask for forgiveness for any part that I have played in the situation.
I am not a victim. Woe is not me. I choose to walk:" with my hands open, with my eyes open, I just keep moving hoping your heart opens." [snowpatrol- eyes open]
In my talk with Sarayu this morning she said: "Rest emotionally and mentally in Me." This is where peace is found and many are searching the world over for just a hint of it. Fear is the enemy of love. True love casts out all fear. I love you Sarayu. I love you Yahweh.
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Well done, Kath. A blessing to me to read your reflections -- I think your hard work in school and in life is evident in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteAnnR